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Copyright Sukhy Bains: May 2010. All rights reserved
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Inspiring Asian Women everywhere to lead Empowered, PASSIONATE and fuLfilled lives |
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May 2010 ISSUE 4 |
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focus |
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Asian Woman |
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Newsletter packed with ideas, latest research, tools & techniques specially geared to supporting Asian women excel in their career, relationships, family and in celebrating their own individuality. |
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In this issue: |
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¨ Editor’s Welcome ¨ Feature article: How good are you at managing your emotions?
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Please forward this newsletter to anyone you think may find it valuable. |
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Editor’s message |
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I know one of the things I need to have more of in my life is patience, I am one of these people that wants it all, and wants it right now, so it was rather hilarious (not) when I ruptured my Achilles tendon playing squash. My leg will be in a cast for 9.5 weeks making me extremely immobile; no driving, no walking except swinging from 2 crutches, I can’t even carry a cup of tea into the living room! What it has forced me to do though is slow down somewhat, not completely, but just enough so that I have had time to reflect on what’s important to me in the long run and not just short term. Quality reflection time is vital to success, so I would strongly encourage you to make time regularly to examine what is and isn't working for you, in and out of work and start getting clarity about exactly where you want to be in the future, not just a vague idea but a very clear picture. |
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How good are you at managing your emotions? |
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Can you remember the last time you got yourself worked up about something that in hindsight wasn’t really that big a deal? |
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The more we can understand what our hot buttons are, the more in control of our emotions we can be. But the first step is to become aware of them. When I realised I was still fuming five minutes later, I asked myself what it was about that situation that made me so angry? I realised that I believe it is important to be considerate so when people display inconsiderate behaviour I get myself all wound up, it’s a hot button for me. I suppose the next question to ask is, is it realistic to believe that everyone on this planet will always be considerate? Which of course the answer is no. I myself have unwittingly been inconsiderate I’m sure, so then why would I want to waste another second of my energy on feeling annoyed about something that is completely out of my control and totally unrealistic. In that instant I was able to let go of a completely useless energy drainer and focus on something more positive. |
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Become aware of what your hot buttons are and decide to let them go. It is important to manage your energy and your state of mind, so you have the energy and motivation to dedicate to the things you do enjoy and are not worn out by the things you don’t enjoy. |
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There are many instances that happen at work where people do or say things that leave us feeling less than great. Rather than letting it get to you and reacting automatically, take a minute or two to understand what is happening within you first. There are some things that are not that easy to let go of - these may be our deeper values. If we feel someone or something is dishonouring one of our deeply held values then we may not want to let go of the emotion but to stand up for it. It’s good to live by your values but know exactly what they are because they will be driving your emotions, on a daily basis. If you want to get better at managing your emotions then you first need to get better at raising your awareness of what your values are and what your hot buttons are. |
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Know what your hot buttons are because if you don’t then people will always be able to push them. If you know what they are then you can choose how you want to respond, giving you more control. Research shows that when we feel in control then we perform at much higher levels. So the next time you get angry, wound up or irritated, stop…take a deep breath… if possible take yourself away from |
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the situation and ask yourself, what is it about this situation that has made me feel like this? Do I really want to feel like this every time this kind of situation arises? How do I want to feel? What do I need to let go of? Be honest with yourself, sometimes just evaluating the situation helps you to diffuse any negative feeling. Answering those questions will provide you with the self-knowledge you need to master your emotions so make sure you do it. Print those questions or write them where you can see them when you need them. Remember they are your emotions and only you can manage them, so if you want to feel more in control then you need to understand what controls you! |
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Late one evening I went to the supermarket. It was dark and absolutely bucketing down with rain, I had been driving around for ages trying to find a car park space. As I saw one and went to pull into it, I noticed that someone had left a shopping trolley there. This meant that I had to get out of the car and move the trolley before I could park. As I was only wearing a t-shirt, I got thoroughly drenched in the process. I was fuming at how inconsiderate people can be. As I was shopping five minutes later, I realised that I was still fuming. Sometimes we get ourselves so wound up by things that don’t really matter much in the whole grand scheme of things. But we all do it! We all have buttons and when people push them, we just react. |
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What are your hot buttons? |